World Economic Forum 2009

The World Economic Forum is currently happening in Davos, Switzerland. An annual gathering, this has become a meeting point for international leaders, politicians and change-makers.

One of my favourite authors, Benjamin Zander (author of Art of Possibility) speaks on "Managing Complexity: A Different Approach".

Please visit the webcast of his very amusing and insightful session here: WEBCAST. Ben talks about living with possibility and uses similar ideas from the Landmark Forum. One of the quotes I like from his father - "There's no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing".

Ben talks about three ways to react to the future and expands further as he speaks:

1. Resignation
2. Anger
3. Possibility

I hopefully will add more notes once I get a chance! From understanding assumptions holding us back to thinking outside the box, this is a very inspiring session.

How to move from a downward spiral to realm of possibility.

Connecting the dots... Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs, CEO and Founder of Apple and Pixar, delivering a speech to 2005 graduates at Stanford University.

This speech is only 15 minutes long - if you do anything today, please watch this - makes your think. For me, Steve articulated how I'm feeling right now.

In particular, he talks about connecting the dots...

• You can't connect the dots as you go along looking forward. It is only very clear looking back.
• So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in the future.
• You have to trust in something.. gut, karma, God, destiny.
• Believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference.

Also, he speaks about finding what you love to do. To ask yourself everyday, "if this was the last day of my life, would I do what I'm about to do?" - knowing that if you answer 'no' too many days in a row, you need to change what you're doing. Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition and everything else will become secondary.

You've got to find what you love. Your work fills a large part of your life, so you've got to love what you do. You've got to keep looking for what you love doing.

Keep looking. Don't settle.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Why Should Anyone Be Led By You?

Why Should Anyone Be Led By You?

Co-Authors Rob Goffee and Gareth Jones

PwC Asian Business Forum was host to Vijay Patel of Waymade Healthcare plc and Professor Gareth Jones, visiting professor at INSEAD and Fellow of the Centre of Management Development at London Business School.

I found Prof Gareth Jones talk particularly interesting and thought it would be useful to share my learning's. I first came across Gareth's work when I was studying at Economics at the London School of Economics and a friend of mine had a copy of an article from the Harvard Business Review entitled "Why should anyone be led by you?" (pdf). I took a photocopy of this and managed to learn the key points, using it to my advantage in many interviews. Hence, it was an absolute pleasure to meet the man who came up with this thinking. What follows is a collection of notes I jotted down during the talk.

• First born children have a monopoly in the world of CEO's – they seem to develop natural leadership due to having so much attention as a children (guess what – I'm first born!)


• Important questions: What do followers want? What do the people you aspire to lead want? From the survey conducted, this is what followers wanted:


• COMMUNITY – they want to feel part of something greater, some type of clan. E.g. PwC laptop bags can be seen all over London and you know they belong to a certain group.


• SIGNIFICANCE – a leader will recognise you, he will participate at all levels including the lowest (e.g. janitors) and make you feel special. E.g. when Bill Clinton meets people, he shakes hands for an extra second and has a way to make you feel like the only person in the room.


• EXCITEMENT – followers want to be excited. Leaders can often excite others through their passionate commitment to clearly articulated personal values and to a vision.


• AUTHENTICITY – followers want at leader who is a real person, doing real things – someone who brings their 'real self' to work, rather than saving for evenings and weekends.
• You spend most of your adult waking life at work – it had therefore better be meaningful!
• Definition of Leadership – "effective leadership excites people to exceptional performance"
• Leadership is:
• Contextual
• Relational
• Non-hierarchal


• What do Authentic Leaders do?
• Sensory to people – "smell the gravy" – know what's going on before someone has to tell them. This is a skill you can get better at.
• Sense situations – know and show enough. (e.g. walk around more)
• social distance – appropriate levels of intimacy
• Compelling communication – e.g. Barack Obama – capacity to energise a room with compelling communication is electric.
• Uses emotions (need to know them first) to energise and liberate others


• Authentic Leadership has the power to transform organisations and enrich lives.
• Important to have honest leadership discussions – someone to feedback to you, be it a life long partner, friend or trusted advisors.
• Vijay Patel said one comment that had impact on me – "always live outside of your comfort zone".

Visit the website for useful articles and more background.

Other links:

Management / Leadership Articles available to download

Brilliant Networking

After attending a very useful event on Networking, I thought I'd share it with others. Steven D'Souza, currently a Vice President at Merrill Lynch in Talent Management, gave a presentation on the basics of Networking and how to be more effective at it. Most of what he spoke about is found in his book "Brilliant Networking".

Worth buying. For more information visit some of these sites

http://www.brilliantnetworking.net/

To buy the book - Amazon

Fostering High Quality Connections

How to deal with corrosive relationships at work , By Jane Dutton

You've sweated to prepare a grant report, working hard to make the case that your largest foundation backer should continue providing support. Your nonprofit desperately needs the grant renewal, but this time around, the competition is unusually stiff. You've put in late nights. Lots of coffee. You can't help but feel nervous as you enter a meeting with the foundation program officer.

The officer acknowledges you with a distracted nod. Seemingly preoccupied, he asks you to start your presentation. While you're talking, he barely makes eye contact. When you finish, he offers a perfunctory "Nice job" -- though you're not even sure he's heard you.

If these scene sounds familiar, you are not alone. For many organizations, disrespectful engagement such as this is the norm. The extent of incivility in the workplace is disturbing: 90 percent of respondents in one recent poll believed workplace incivility was a serious problem, and 75 percent of respondents in another survey said it was getting worse. According to another study, one-third of 600 nurses had been verbally abused during their previous five days at work.1

Often, the telltale signs that an organization is not a good place to work appear the moment a new employee takes a job. Consider the experience of an executive sales consultant, reported recently in the Wall Street Journal: "The day he hired on, his assigned mentor showed him his office and walked away without a word -- no tour of the office, no introductions to co-workers, 'in short, no information,' the consultant says. Later, in a meeting, a partner treated him like a piece of furniture. Pointing him out as a new hire, the partner said, 'I don't know if he's any good. Somebody try him out and let me know.'"2

Experiences like this are more than just unpleasant. Disrespectful engagement or nonengagement depletes energy, eating away at employee reserves of motivation and commitment, increasing burnout.

The key to transforming the workplace experience is to build and nurture what I call "high-quality connections" -- marked by mutual positive regard, trust, and active engagement on both sides. In a high-quality connection, people feel more open, competent, and alive.3

One of the best ways to foster these connections is by encouraging respectful engagement between coworkers. When co-workers engage each other respectfully, they create a sense of social dignity that confirms self-worth and reaffirms competence.4 Respectful engagement empowers and energizes, giving individuals a heightened sense of their abilities.5

There are five major strategies nonprofit leaders can employ to foster respect, and thus encourage quality connections, in the workplace: conveying presence, being genuine, communicating affirmation, effective listening, and supportive communication. Used in tandem, these tools can help eliminate the corrosive relationships that sap nonprofits of their creative zest.

Conveying Presence
Being present with another person means being psychologically available, turning one's attention to another. Attention is a precious commodity -- it is easily consumed, deflected, or distracted.
When individuals direct attention toward each other and away from distractions, they activate an energizing sense of mutual connection. "A five-minute conversation can make all the difference in the world if the parties participate actively," writes Edward Hallowell, psychiatrist and author of the book Connect: 12 Vital Ties That Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life, and Deepen Your Soul. "To make it work, you have to set aside what you're doing, put down the memo you were reading, disengage from your laptop, abandon your daydream, and bring your attention to bear upon the person you are with."6

When people converse at work, the positive emotion doesn't come from the talking. "The delight in conversation comes not from making sense," says social psychologist Joost Meerloo, "but from making contact."7

One organization that understands the value of conveying presence is the Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine Research. The Ann Arbor, Mich.- based institute, founded in 1998 with a National Institutes of Health grant, investigates alternative therapies for cardiovascular disease. When my daughter Cara arrived for her summer internship in 2002, she was greeted by an assigned "advocate," a personal organizational tutor of sorts, who was available to help her decipher the institutional culture. The advocate ensured that Cara would have access to interesting work, in part by introducing her to the "right" people. With the advocate at her side, each person Cara met encouraged her to provide input, and expressed interest in her as an individual, providing her with dozens of personal contact points.

Being Genuine
To engage respectfully, bosses and subordinates must remove "fronts" by speaking and reacting honestly -- in part because people are generally good "authenticity detectors."8
When people act nice by edict, it does not foster quality connection, no matter how well intentioned. At one Michigan hospital, for example, administrators implemented what they called the "five feet, ten feet rule": Employees were required to say "hello" to those within five feet, and to smile at all those who passed within 10 feet. Rather than foster mutual respect, the regulation bred disrespect and cynicism.9

Contrast this with the experience of employees at the Foote Hospital in Jackson, Mich. Several years ago, when a hospital employee lost three close relatives, her colleagues spontaneously banded together and lobbied to change personnel rules so that they could donate vacation and personal time. Administrators agreed, and eventually formalized a time donation program, allowing employees to give their vacation days to one another in times of need.
The program signaled that the hospital and its employees were genuinely caring. In organizations that have such programs, respectful engagement often thrives.

Communicating Affirmation
Organizations that affirm employee value are breeding grounds for high-quality connections. This means going beyond simply being present to searching for the "divine spark in another"10 -- that is, their positive core -- and recognizing it publicly.

For most leaders, the notion of recognizing worthy employees is hardly groundbreaking. Yet, according to one study, more than half of North American workers say they are never recognized for a job well done. A similar percentage report they don't get any recognition -- even for outstanding performance.11

Organizations offer endless opportunities for genuine, transformative affirmation. One of the most creative I have seen took place recently at an Internet startup in Ann Arbor. Marty Johns, head of product development, took the occasion of a team's first meeting to have "introductions."12 But rather than having colleagues introduce themselves, he introduced each team member personally, offering his take on their unique talents, perspectives, and human qualities. He spoke about what he appreciated in each person, saying about one team member, "I brought Devon onto this team because of his deep insightfulness about our customers, as well as his quick wit and humor -- critical resources for us when we are on deadline." About another, he explained: "We are privileged to have Jocelyn on our team. Her standards are impeccable, her integrity a beacon to us all." The introductions took 20 minutes, and left several people visibly embarrassed, but it turned an ordinary routine into a foundation for respectful engagement.

Effective Listening
Listening is a form of respectful engagement, but effective listening requires effort -- especially at high-energy nonprofits, where distractions are the norm.

While people can comprehend an average of 600 spoken words per minute, speech usually flows at 100 to 150 words per minute. The gap is one of the reasons people at work have a hard time listening: Their minds search for other things to keep them busy.13 In addition, listeners too often focus on their own goals for a given conversation, instead of hearing what another person is saying. Many people listen as if waiting for an opportunity to make their own point.
Listening that engages respectfully has two features: It is empathetic and active. Empathetic listening is centered on the speaker, with the aim of learning about his or her point of view. Active listeners, meanwhile, are responsive listeners.

There are several ways to listen responsively. First, paraphrase -- expressing in your own words what you just heard someone say ("Are you saying that we are not going to meet our fundraising objectives this quarter?"). Second, summarize, or try to pull together the complicated flow of a conversation in a few "bulleted" points ("So you need more resources, more time, and more direction to finish the strategic plan?"). Third, clarify, asking questions and inquiring to ensure you understand the full picture ("What do you mean when you say you want to be more engaged in our programming?"). Finally, solicit feedback ("Do you get the sense I'm hearing you?").

Supportive Communication
Respectful engagement also depends on how we communicate -- what we say, how we say it, and how well we are understood. Supportive communicators express views and opinions while minimizing defensiveness and maximizing clarity.

Contrast that with unsupportive speech: sarcasm, negative comparisons, threats, dragging up the past, or framing debates as "win-lose" interactions. These forms of communication hinder a person's ability to tune in and understand a message.

One way to ensure that communication is supportive is to make requests, not demands. This can be tricky, because in the workplace, the goal of communication is often for one person to prompt another to complete a certain task. But when people make demands, they send the signal that blame or punishment will follow if the demand is not fulfilled. "Once you hear demands, your options are submission or rebellion," 14 writes Marshall Rosenberg, founder and director of educational services for the nonprofit Center for Nonviolent Communication.

Requests only work if you genuinely believe the other person can freely choose a response. Furthermore, requesters should employ positive language: Say what you want ("I'd like you to check with me once a week"), not what you don't want ("I don't need you to check with me so often"). Make requests specific, avoiding the hazards of misinterpretation ("I need updates from you on a weekly basis regarding our progress on fundraising goals" is more effective than "Keep me posted").

Another thing to look out for is evaluative judgment, which seeps easily into communications and undermines the possibility of respectful engagement, inviting defensiveness. The tendency to use judgmental language is a particular hazard for managers.

Supportive communication is descriptive, rather than evaluative. Consider these two statements: "You need to shape up in responding to client requests" versus "Three clients have complained to me this month that you have not responded to their requests."15 The first is a prejudgment; the second is a description of facts. Taking it a step further, supportive communication focuses on the impact of behavior, and is solution oriented ("It's not acceptable to have three complaints a month, because these clients are sure to go elsewhere. We need to win back their confidence. Let's do this by offering more than our contract calls for)."

Roger Nierenberg, conductor of the Stamford (Conn.) Symphony Orchestra, sees supportive communication as a vital part of his job. He uses direction, as opposed to criticism, to build trust and enable musicians to perform at their best. For example, instead of saying, "The percussion section is playing too loudly," which is a judgment, he issues descriptive direction: "The audience needs to hear the woodwinds."16

It's a subtle difference, but one that helps Nierenberg connect to his orchestra, and empowers the orchestra to connect as well -- to the audience.

1 Pearson, C.M.; Andersson, L.M.; and Porath, C.L. Assessing and Attacking Workplace Incivility, Organizational Dynamics (2000): 123-137.
2 Shellenbarger, S. From Our Readers: The Bosses That Drove Me to Quit My Job, The Wall Street Journal (Feb. 9, 2000): B1.
3 Dutton, J.E. and Heaphy, E.D. The Power of High-Quality Connections, in Positive Organizational Scholarship, ed. Kim Cameron, Jane Dutton, and Robert Quinn (San Francisco, CA: Berrett- Koehler, 2003).
4 Margolis, J.D. Responsibility in Organizational Context, Business Ethics Quarterly 11, no. 4 (October 2001): 431-454.
5 Miller, J.B. and Stiver, I.P. The Healing Connection: How Women Form Relationships in Therapy and in Life (Boston, MA: Beacon Press, 1997).
6 Hallowell, E.M. Connect: 12 Vital Ties That Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life, and Deepen Your Soul (New York, NY: Pantheon Books, 1999).
7 Meerloo, J. Conversation and Communication, in The Human Dialogue: Perspectives on Communication, ed. Floyd W. Matson and Ashley Montagu (New York, NY: Free Press, 1967).
8 Harter, S. Authenticity, in Handbook of Positive Psychology, ed. C.R. Snyder and Shane J. Lopez (New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2002).
9 Employees agreed to talk to me about their experiences on condition that the hospital not be named.
10 Remen, R.N. My Grandfather's Blessings: Stories of Strength, Refuge, and Belonging (New York, NY: Riverhead Books, 2000).
11 Kepner-Tregoe, People and Their Jobs: What s Real, What s Rhetoric? cited in Encouraging the Heart: A Leader's Guide to Rewarding and Recognizing Others, ed. James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner (San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 1999).
12 Names used in this anecdote are pseudonyms.
13 Messmer, M. Improving Your Listening Skills, Management Accounting 79, no. 9 (1998).
14 Rosenberg, M. Keynote address to the 1999 National Conference of Montessori Educators, as cited in Rosenberg, M. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion (Santa Cruz, CA: PuddleDancer Press, 1999).
15 Whetten, D.A. and Cameron, K.S. Developing Management Skills, 4th ed. (Reading, MA: Addison- Wesley, 1998).
16 Rosenfeld, J. Lead Softly, but Carry a Big Baton Fast Company (July 2001).

SOURCE: http://www.ssireview.org/articles/entry/fostering_high_quality_connections/

Abdul Kalam at PwC London

On 10th June, PwC India Business Centre hosted a dinner with Dr. Abdul Kalam, a highly respected politician and visionary in India and around the world.

Introduced by PwC’s Chairman Kieran Poynter, Dr. Kalam was happy to acknowledge the growing realisation in the UK of the immense business opportunities in India. His speech, entitled 'Dynamics of Indian Economy' addressed the India Vision 2020 and India's journey to becoming a developed nation. He also recounted his experience in setting up a Pan African e-Network that connects 53 African states to address communication, healthcare and education needs which has evolved into his vision of a World Knowledge Platform.

He finished by defining key attributes of a creative leader, based on his experience, saying among other things that a leader must work with integrity and succeeds with integrity.
Please click on the pdf above to read the full transcript of Dr. Kalam's speech.

The evening continued with a presentation from Rachel Dwyer, Professor of India Cultures and Cinema at SOAS, on the influence of Bollywood in Indian culture.

Read in full Dr Kalam's speech. PwC Website.

I found the most useful part in the conclusion:

"My study indicates that the creative leadership is the most important component for attaining success in all missions. I would like to define based on my experiences:

1. Leader must have the vision.
2. Leader must have a passion to transform the vision into action.
3. Leader must be able to travel into an unexplored path.
4. Leader must know how to manage a success and failure.
5. Leader must have the courage to take decisions.
6. Leader should have Nobility in management.
7. Every action of the leader should be transparent.
8. Leader must work with integrity and succeed with integrity."

Good place to work... PwC!!

Gandhi’s Top 10 Fundamentals for Changing the World

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

"The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problem."

"If I had no sense of humour, I would long ago have committed suicide."

Mahatma Gandhi needs no long introduction. Everyone knows about the man who lead the Indian people to independence from British rule in 1947.

So let's just move on to some of my favourite tips from Mahatma Gandhi.

1. Change yourself.

"You must be the change you want to see in the world."

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves."

If you change yourself you will change your world. If you change how you think then you will change how you feel and what actions you take. And so the world around you will change. Not only because you are now viewing your environment through new lenses of thoughts and emotions but also because the change within can allow you to take action in ways you wouldn't have – or maybe even have thought about – while stuck in your old thought patterns.

And the problem with changing your outer world without changing yourself is that you will still be you when you reach that change you have strived for. You will still have your flaws, anger, negativity, self-sabotaging tendencies etc. intact.

And so in this new situation you will still not find what you hoped for since your mind is still seeping with that negative stuff. And if you get more without having some insight into and distance from your ego it may grow more powerful. Since your ego loves to divide things, to find enemies and to create separation it may start to try to create even more problems and conflicts in your life and world.

2. You are in control.

"Nobody can hurt me without my permission."

What you feel and how you react to something is always up to you. There may be a "normal" or a common way to react to different things. But that's mostly just all it is.

You can choose your own thoughts, reactions and emotions to pretty much everything. You don't have to freak out, overreact of even react in a negative way. Perhaps not every time or instantly. Sometimes a knee-jerk reaction just goes off. Or an old thought habit kicks in.

And as you realize that no-one outside of yourself can actually control how you feel you can start to incorporate this thinking into your daily life and develop it as a thought habit. A habit that you can grow stronger and stronger over time. Doing this makes life a whole lot easier and more pleasurable.

3. Forgive and let it go.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

"An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind."

Fighting evil with evil won't help anyone. And as said in the previous tip, you always choose how to react to something. When you can incorporate such a thought habit more and more into your life then you can react in a way that is more useful to you and others.

You realize that forgiving and letting go of the past will do you and the people in your world a great service. And spending your time in some negative memory won't help you after you have learned the lessons you can learn from that experience. You'll probably just cause yourself more suffering and paralyze yourself from taking action in this present moment.

If you don't forgive then you let the past and another person to control how you feel. By forgiving you release yourself from those bonds. And then you can focus totally on, for instance, the next point.

4. Without action you aren't going anywhere.

"An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching."

Without taking action very little will be done. However, taking action can be hard and difficult. There can be much inner resistance.

And so you may resort to preaching, as Gandhi says. Or reading and studying endlessly. And feeling like you are moving forward. But getting little or no practical results in real life.

So, to really get where you want to go and to really understand yourself and your world you need to practice. Books can mostly just bring you knowledge. You have to take action and translate that knowledge into results and understanding.

You can check out a few effective tips to overcome this problem in How to Take More Action: 9 Powerful Tips. Or you can move on to the next point for more on the best tip for taking more action that I have found so far.

5. Take care of this moment.

"I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following."

The best way that I have found to overcome the inner resistance that often stops us from taking action is to stay in the present as much as possible and to be accepting.

Why? Well, when you are in the present moment you don't worry about the next moment that you can't control anyway. And the resistance to action that comes from you imagining negative future consequences - or reflecting on past failures - of your actions loses its power. And so it becomes easier to both take action and to keep your focus on this moment and perform better.

Have a look at 8 Ways to Return to the Present Moment for tips on how quickly step into the now. And remember that reconnecting with and staying in the now is a mental habit - a sort of muscle - that you grow. Over time it becomes more powerful and makes it easier to slip into the present moment.

6. Everyone is human.

"I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps."

"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."

When you start to make myths out of people – even though they may have produced extraordinary results – you run the risk of becoming disconnected from them. You can start to feel like you could never achieve similar things that they did because they are so very different. So it's important to keep in mind that everyone is just a human being no matter who they are.

And I think it's important to remember that we are all human and prone to make mistakes. Holding people to unreasonable standards will only create more unnecessary conflicts in your world and negativity within you.

It's also important to remember this to avoid falling into the pretty useless habit of beating yourself up over mistakes that you have made. And instead be able to see with clarity where you went wrong and what you can learn from your mistake. And then try again.

7. Persist.

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."

Be persistent. In time the opposition around you will fade and fall away. And your inner resistance and self-sabotaging tendencies that want to hold you back and keep you like you have always been will grow weaker.

Find what you really like to do. Then you'll find the inner motivation to keep going, going and going. You can also find a lot of useful tips on how keep your motivation up in How to Get Out of a Motivational Slump and 25 Simple Ways to Motivate Yourself.

One reason Gandhi was so successful with his method of non-violence was because he and his followers were so persistent. They just didn't give up.

Success or victory will seldom come as quickly as you would have liked it to. I think one of the reasons people don't get what they want is simply because they give up too soon. The time they think an achievement will require isn't the same amount of time it usually takes to achieve that goal. This faulty belief partly comes from the world we live in. A world full of magic pill solutions where advertising continually promises us that we can lose a lot of weight or earn a ton of money in just 30 days. You can read more about this in One Big Mistake a Whole Lot of People Make.

Finally, one useful tip to keep your persistence going is to listen to Gandhi's third quote in this article and keep a sense of humor. It can lighten things up at the toughest of times.

8. See the good in people and help them.

"I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won't presume to probe into the faults of others."

"Man becomes great exactly in the degree in which he works for the welfare of his fellow-men."

"I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people."

There is pretty much always something good in people. And things that may not be so good. But you can choose what things to focus on. And if you want improvement then focusing on the good in people is a useful choice. It also makes life easier for you as your world and relationships become more pleasant and positive.

And when you see the good in people it becomes easier to motivate yourself to be of service to them. By being of service to other people, by giving them value you not only make their lives better. Over time you tend to get what you give. And the people you help may feel more inclined to help other people. And so you, together, create an upward spiral of positive change that grows and becomes stronger.

By strengthening your social skills you can become a more influential person and make this upward spiral even stronger. A few articles that may provide you with useful advice in that department are Do You Make These 10 Mistakes in a Conversation? and Dale Carnegie's Top 10 Tips for Improving Your Social Skills. Or you can just move on to the next tip.

9. Be congruent, be authentic, be your true self.

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

"Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well."

I think that one of the best tips for improving your social skills is to behave in a congruent manner and communicate in an authentic way. People seem to really like authentic communication. And there is much inner enjoyment to be found when your thoughts, words and actions are aligned. You feel powerful and good about yourself.

When words and thoughts are aligned then that shows through in your communication. Because now you have your voice tonality and body language – some say they are over 90 percent of communication – in alignment with your words.

With these channels in alignment people tend to really listen to what you're saying. You are communicating without incongruency, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness.

Also, if your actions aren't in alignment with what you're communicating then you start to hurt your own belief in what you can do. And other people's belief in you too.

10. Continue to grow and evolve.

"Constant development is the law of life, and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas in order to appear consistent drives himself into a false position."

You can pretty much always improve your skills, habits or re-evaluate your evaluations. You can gain deeper understanding of yourself and the world.

Sure, you may look inconsistent or like you don't know what you are doing from time to time. You may have trouble to act congruently or to communicate authentically. But if you don't then you will, as Gandhi says, drive yourself into a false position. A place where you try to uphold or cling to your old views to appear consistent while you realise within that something is wrong. It's not a fun place to be. To choose to grow and evolve is a happier and more useful path to take

Source: http://www.positivityblog.com/

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

This is a summary of the 7 habits of highly effective people and can be found on his website (www.stephencovey.com). I purchased the audio CD and it was very useful and easy to follow. Check out Stephen's website for a community you can log into and access a whole range of (free) resources and e-learning tools!

Habit 1: Be Proactive
Your life doesn't just "happen." Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you. The choices, after all, are yours. You choose happiness. You choose sadness. You choose decisiveness. You choose ambivalence. You choose success. You choose failure. You choose courage. You choose fear. Just remember that every moment, every situation, provides a new choice. And in doing so, it gives you a perfect opportunity to do things differently to produce more positive results.

Habit 1: Be Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. You can't keep blaming everything on your parents or grandparents. Proactive people recognize that they are "response-able." They don't blame genetics, circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behaviour. They know they choose their behaviour. Reactive people, on the other hand, are often affected by their physical environment. They find external sources to blame for their behaviour. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and performance, and they blame the weather. All of these external forces act as stimuli that we respond to. Between the stimulus and the response is your greatest power--you have the freedom to choose your response. One of the most important things you choose is what you say. Your language is a good indicator of how you see yourself. A proactive person uses proactive language--I can, I will, I prefer, etc. A reactive person uses reactive language--I can't, I have to, if only. Reactive people believe they are not responsible for what they say and do--they have no choice.

Instead of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which they have little or no control, proactive people focus their time and energy on things they can control. The problems, challenges, and opportunities we face fall into two areas--Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence.

Proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about: health, children, and problems at work. Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern--things over which they have little or no control: the national debt, terrorism, the weather. Gaining an awareness of the areas in which we expend our energies in is a giant step in becoming proactive.


Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
So, what do you want to be when you grow up? That question may appear a little trite, but think about it for a moment. Are you--right now--who you want to be, what you dreamed you'd be, doing what you always wanted to do? Be honest. Sometimes people find themselves achieving victories that are empty--successes that have come at the expense of things that were far more valuable to them. If you ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take gets you to the wrong place faster.

Habit 2 is based on imagination--the ability to envision in your mind what you cannot at present see with your eyes. It is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There is a mental (first) creation, and a physical (second) creation. The physical creation follows the mental, just as a building follows a blueprint. If you don't make a conscious effort to visualize who you are and what you want in life, then you empower other people and circumstances to shape you and your life by default. It's about connecting again with your own uniqueness and then defining the personal, moral, and ethical guidelines within which you can most happily express and fulfil it. Begin with the End in Mind means to begin each day, task, or project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination, and then continue by flexing your proactive muscles to make things happen.

One of the best ways to incorporate Habit 2 into your life if to develop a Personal Mission Statement. It focuses on what you want to be and do. It is your plan for success. It reaffirms who you are, puts your goals in focus, and moves your ideas into the real world. Your mission statement makes you the leader of your own life. You create your own destiny and secure the future you envision.


Habit 3: Put First Things First
So live a more balanced existence, you have to recognize that not doing everything that comes along is okay. There's no need to overextend yourself. All it takes is realizing that it's all right to say no when necessary and then focus on your highest priorities.

Habit 1 says, "You're in charge. You're the creator." Being proactive is about choice. Habit 2 is the first, or mental, creation. Beginning with the End in Mind is about vision. Habit 3 is the second creation, the physical creation. This habit is where Habits 1 and 2 come together. It happens day in and day out, moment-by-moment. It deals with many of the questions addressed in the field of time management. But that's not all it's about. Habit 3 is about life management as well--your purpose, values, roles, and priorities. What are "first things?" First things are those things you, personally, find of most worth. If you put first things first, you are organizing and managing time and events according to the personal priorities you established in Habit 2.

Two Keys to Making Deposits

• Deposits need to be frequent and consistent. The closer the relationship, the more frequent and consistent the deposits need to be.
• Deposits do not occur until the recipient considers it a deposit. You simply don't know what constitutes a deposit until you understand the other person. If your motives for making a deposit are not sincere, others will feel manipulated.

Remember that when it comes to relationships, little things are big things.


Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Think Win-Win isn't about being nice, nor is it a quick-fix technique. It is a character-based code for human interaction and collaboration. Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing--that is, if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. There is only so much pie to go around, and if you get a big piece, there is less for me; it's not fair, and I'm going to make sure you don't get anymore. We all play the game, but how much fun is it really? Win-win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying. We both get to eat the pie, and it tastes pretty darn good! A person or organization that approaches conflicts with a win-win attitude possesses three vital character traits:

1. Integrity: sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments
2. Maturity: expressing your ideas and feelings with courage and consideration for the ideas and feelings of others
3. Abundance Mentality: believing there is plenty for everyone

Many people think in terms of either/or: either you're nice or you're tough. Win-win requires that you be both. It is a balancing act between courage and consideration. To go for win-win, you not only have to be empathic, but you also have to be confident. You not only have to be considerate and sensitive, you also have to be brave. To do that--to achieve that balance between courage and consideration--is the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to win-win.


Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Communication is the most important skill in life. You spend years learning how to read and write, and years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training have you had that enables you to listen so you really, deeply understand another human being? Probably none, right? If you're like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating. Do any of the following sound familiar? "Oh, I know just how you feel. I felt the same way." "I had that same thing happen to me." "Let me tell you what I did in a similar situation." Because you so often listen autobiographically, you ten to respond in one of four ways:

• Evaluating:- You judge and then either agree or disagree.
• Probing:- You ask questions from your own frame of reference.
• Advising:- You give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
• Interpreting:- You analyze others' motives and behaviours based on your own experiences.

You might be saying, "Hey, now wait a minute. I'm just trying to relate to the person by drawing on my own experiences. Is that so bad?" In some situations, autobiographical responses may be appropriate, such as when another person specifically asks for help from your point of view or when there is already a very high level of trust in the relationship.

Habit 6: Synergize
So put it simply, synergy means "two heads are better than one." Synergize is the habit of creative cooperation. It is teamwork, open-mindedness, and the adventure of finding new solutions to old problems. But it doesn't just happen on its own. It's a process, and through that process, people bring all their personal experience and expertise to the table. Together, they can produce far better results that they could individually. Synergy lets us discover jointly things we are much less likely to discover by ourselves. It is the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. One plus one equals three, or six, or sixty--you name it. When people begin to interact together genuinely, and they're open to each other's influence, they begin to gain new insight. The capability of inventing new approaches is increased exponentially because of differences. Valuing differences is what really drives synergy. Do you truly value the mental, emotional, and psychological differences among people? Or do you wish everyone would just agree with you so you could all get along? Many people mistake uniformity for unity; sameness for oneness. One word--boring! Differences should be seen as strengths, not weaknesses. They add zest to life.


Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have--you. It means having a balanced program for self-renewal in the four areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual. Here are some examples of activities:

• Physical:- Beneficial eating, exercising, and resting
• Social/Emotional:- Making social and meaningful connections with others
• Mental:- Learning, reading, writing, and teaching
• Spiritual:- Spending time in nature, expanding spiritual self through mediation, music, art, prayer, or service

As you renew yourself in each of the four areas, you create growth and change in your life. Sharpen the Saw keeps you fresh so you can continue to practice the other six habits. You increase your capacity to produce and handle the challenges around you. Without this renewal, the body becomes weak, the mind mechanical, the emotions raw, the spirit insensitive, and the person selfish. Not a pretty picture, is it? Feeling good doesn't just happen. Living a life in balance means taking the necessary time to renew yourself. It's all up to you. You can renew yourself through relaxation. Or you can totally burn yourself out by overdoing everything. You can pamper yourself mentally and spiritually. Or you can go through life oblivious to your well-being. You can experience vibrant energy. Or you can procrastinate and miss out on the benefits of good health and exercise. You can revitalize yourself and face a new day in peace and harmony. Or you can wake up in the morning full of apathy because your get-up-and-go has got-up-and-gone. Just remember that every day provides a new opportunity for renewal--a new opportunity to recharge yourself instead of hitting the wall. All it takes is the desire, knowledge, and skill.

Source: http://www.stephencovey.com/

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